


I’ll keep you warm (for as long as you need)

by woniehwas (moontaekoos)



Series: here’s to all the mistakes (that led me to you) [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Christmas Eve, Dishonesty, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Knitted cup cozies, M/M, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, Protect Seonghwa, Roommates Seongjoong, Seonghwa has a panic attack, There are flashbacks to seonghwa’s teenage years, University, but technically no one actually cheats, dont lead people on that’s not nice, hongjoong is a great person but we already know that, keeping secrets from your significant other is bad kids, seonghwa is an angel too good for this world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:49:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28068063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moontaekoos/pseuds/woniehwas
Summary: Seonghwa, who’s the personification of holiday cheer and warmth, gets his heart broken on Christmas Eve. And Hongjoong, who’s never the one to appreciate the holidays, vowed to keep him company until his heart stopped aching, or until the right person came along, whichever happens first.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Series: here’s to all the mistakes (that led me to you) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2056080
Comments: 5
Kudos: 47





	I’ll keep you warm (for as long as you need)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astrologsy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrologsy/gifts).



> Welcome to a new series! This will be the first work out of four, and the next works in this series would showcase ships from Monsta X and Twice :)
> 
> DISCLAIMER!!!! This is obviously a work of fiction, and the portrayal of idols here do not reflect how I feel for them irl! I love every single idol mentioned in this fic and they all deserve the world hehe ANYWAYS please enjoy! And please let me know what you think :) 
> 
> Also, there will be a scene where seonghwa has a panic attack, following this “!!!” If that is a trigger, just skip the part enclosed by centered exclamation points. Be safe, y’all.

Hongjoong looks up at the sky as he feels what he thinks is ashes fall against his forehead. It’s been a while since he’s liked the snow. It’s cold and bothersome, and it doesn’t help that its appearance is a signal that Christmas would fall upon them once more.

It’s been so long since Hongjoong has truly enjoyed the idea of Christmas. Never even felt the need to immerse himself with the holiday spirit, much to everyone’s surprise. "Don't get me wrong," Hongjoong found himself just days ago reassuring his studio partner, who was excitedly sharing stories of which holiday treat he’s looking forward to the most, "I have no problem with other people celebrating Christmas. I’m just… indifferent towards the entire thing." 

The true problem is with himself and Christmas, he thinks. It always makes him feel lonely, especially when he rarely has anyone to celebrate it with. Others could call him crazy, but he actually likes the barrage of university work during December, because it allows him little to no leeway to feel the creeping loneliness during the holidays.

The gray sky feels like it mirrors the inside of his head.

His finals are over, the semester has ended, and the day stretches out endlessly before him. He's currently having a very slow breakfast, killing time. For sure, everyone else has gone home for the holidays, and there’s no use hanging around an empty dorm.

Hongjoong’s attention finds its way to the little coffee cup cozy that his roommate knitted for him. It is bright purple, with little adjustable flowers that served as buttons. Seonghwa insisted, at the threat of faux physical violence, that Hongjoong takes it wherever he goes, because his little hands are sensitive and coffee cups tend to hurt his palms. Because that’s the type of person Seonghwa is. Like the cup cozy, Seonghwa is warm and fluffy, and the similarity brings a little smile to Hongjoong’s face.

He wonders if Seonghwa has arrived at home yet - the last time he saw him was two days ago, for a hurried goodbye as he dashed to his last two exams. Seonghwa had stuffed a couple of sandwiches in his bag, because he was one hundred percent sure that his roommate was most likely to forego meals just to finish his requirements. Hongjoong promised to eat on time, and wished his roommate happy holidays before running off.

Hongjoong slips off the cup cozy and twirls it around his fingers. _Maybe it’s time to check in on his friend_ , he thinks, as he dials Seonghwa’s number.

“H-hi, Hongjoong?” Seonghwa’s voice pierces through the phone, and Hongjoong instantly knows something is wrong from the way his roommate's voice quivers. The usual brightness is suspiciously absent today, considering that Seonghwa was looking forward to coming home for Christmas this year. Says that he’ll visit someone special after such a long time.

“Hwa? Just wanted to check in on you, did you make it home safely? It’s been two days since I last heard from you and I was kinda worried.” Hongjoong gets up from his seat in the cafe and starts walking back to the dorm building.

“Well, you see… I didn’t make it home, actually.” The tremor in Seonghwa’s voice is more apparent now, and Hongjoong is almost sure that he’s fighting off tears.

“What do you mean… you didn’t make it home? Are you okay?” Hongjoong doesn’t know what to think or expect, just two days ago Seonghwa couldn’t shut up about going home, and now he sounds like someone took a bucket of snow and doused out his warmth.

“I just…. can’t do it, Hongjoong. I can’t face him. I-“ Seonghwa’s sentence is interrupted by wracking sobs, and Hongjoong quickens his pace. 

“Seonghwa, where are you? I’ll go there right now.” Hongjoong says sternly, not bothering to mask the edge to his voice. He can hear bus sounds and some rustling from the other end of the line, and for a moment there, Hongjoong thinks the call ended.

Hongjoong glances across the street and sees a familiar frame bundled in winter clothing getting off a bus. Seonghwa is wearing his favorite pink padded coat, and it makes him look very small. If the circumstances were different, Hongjoong would have remarked how cute his roommate looks, but he banishes the thought as he puts his phone away and quickly runs to his roommate, bracing himself for the worst.

The moment Seonghwa sees him, he breaks down in tears. He clings onto Hongjoong’s coat as if his life depends on it, not minding the fact that they’re at a public bus stop, earning curious looks from passers-by.

!!!

Seonghwa tries his best to talk, but he is crying so hard that his words slur terribly and he starts shaking in Hongjoong’s arms. Hongjoong breaks the hug to cradle Seonghwa’s face in his hands.

“Seonghwa, please look at me.” Hongjoong coaxes his roommate, who is starting to hyperventilate. “Seonghwa, please… Listen to me. Focus on me. Breathe.” Hongjoong is being very firm but calming in his attempt to make sure Seonghwa doesn’t break down harder than he already did. Not on the street, anyway. It isn’t safe.

Hongjoong takes the cup cozy from his pocket and shoves it in Seonghwa’s shaking hands. “There. Squeeze that, and focus on it, okay? It’s soft and squishy, yeah? Stay with me, Seonghwa. You’re okay.” Seonghwa finally looks into Hongjoong’s eyes, the frantic look slowly ebbing away. He nods, and grips the little knitted accessory so hard Hongjoong is surprised it doesn’t unravel on the spot. But it helps Seonghwa calm down, and that’s all that he needed right now.

Hongjoong sighs in relief, “Let’s go home, buddy. I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

“With the little marshmallows and cinnamon dust?” A sliver of Seonghwa’s usual holiday cheer creeps back into his eyes, and who is Hongjoong to say no?

“You can have as many as you want.”

They start heading back towards the dorm, with Hongjoong’s head filling up with more questions by the minute.

!!!

—

Making hot chocolate is _hard_. Well, based on Hongjoong’s zero knowledge on making holiday drinks, at least. This has always been Seonghwa’s job every year, as well as filling their comfy little dorm with decorations to make it feel more festive. He would always tease Hongjoong about his aversion towards Christmas as well, joking that he’s very much like that green character that tried to steal everyone’s Christmas spirit. No matter how many times he gets questioned about it, Hongjoong would always reason out that he couldn’t care less if people liked Christmas or not, he just chose to be indifferent about it.

So that’s how Hongjoong finds himself surrounded with saucepans in the kitchen, trying to put together Seonghwa’s hot chocolate with the little marshmallows and cinnamon dust. Good thing Seonghwa always keeps a steady supply of ingredients for the drink in their cupboard, as it is his ultimate favorite holiday drink.

“Just combine everything and boil them, shouldn’t be that hard.” Seonghwa says with a hollow chuckle. Hongjoong is startled by the sudden intrusion, finding Seonghwa standing by the kitchen door, apparently watching him struggle with preparing the beverage.

“Glad to see that you find my struggles entertaining, my kind sir.” Hongjoong bows at him mockingly. Seonghwa giggles, and Hongjoong’s spirit lifts. “Anyway, I bought some cookies yesterday after my last class. You’ll find them in the cupboard above the sink.” 

Seonghwa goes to retrieve said cookies, gasping a little bit after seeing them. “Now what do we have here? Did mister grinch purchase some _Christmas cookies?_ ” 

Hongjoong loves the way these little cookies seem to put back the holiday spark in his roommate’s eyes. It’s how he should always be, if anyone cared to ask how Hongjoong feels.

Seonghwa’s giggles ring throughout the kitchen as Hongjoong finishes preparing the hot chocolate. Though as much as he enjoys the little pocket of peace courtesy of the cookies, he knows that they would need to address the glaring concern soon, why Seonghwa ended up going back to the dorm instead of spending Christmas with his family.

“You know what, for someone who claims to hate Christmas, you make great hot chocolate, Hongie.” The little pile of cookies and the pot of hot chocolate are gone by now, and Seonghwa feels a lot calmer, much to Hongjoong’s relief.

“Stop being dramatic, I literally boiled chocolate and called it a day.” Hongjoong says with a smirk while scrolling through his phone. He knows they’re supposed to talk about what happened at the bus stop, but he decides that he’d rather wait for Seonghwa to bring it up himself whenever he’s comfortable.

Seonghwa watches the fairy lights glow from the makeshift Christmas tree that he fashioned out of old coat hangers, as if deep in thought. He snaps out of it quickly, though.

“I’m sure you’re dying to know what happened.” He says, and Hongjoong puts away his phone to listen to what his roommate has to say.

“Well, you see, I was so excited to come home this year because… I was looking forward to seeing this person.”

“Your older sister is coming home from the States?” Hongjoong asks, feeling a little foolish about the question for some reason.

“No, she’s not coming home for another three years due to her job, I was talking about someone else. This person I was uhh… kinda dating?” Seonghwa starts picking at the hem of his shirt, seemingly anxious about something.

“You’re dating someone? And I didn’t know? Ahh, Seonghwa, you wound me too much.” Hongjoong mimes stabbing his heart with an imaginary stake, aiming to make light of the situation.

“Ahh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, it’s just that he kinda didn’t want anyone to know that we’re kinda dating?” Seonghwa says with an apologetic smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

“That’s ridiculous! Who wouldn’t be proud to be dating you? Have you seen yourself? And what do you mean, _kinda dating?_ ” Hongjoong’s attempts at keeping calm seem to crumble the more he learns about the situation. He tries, though, as he breathes in slowly.

Seonghwa covers his face in his hands, and for a moment there, Hongjoong gets terrified that he might have said too much.

“I’m so sorry, Hongjoong. I’m so stupid. I’ve been stupid for so long. I’m so, so, so stupid.” Seonghwa groans into his hands, and the sight pulls at Hongjoong’s heartstrings. He doesn’t say anything though, as an invitation for Seonghwa to keep talking.

“Hongie, please promise to hear me out, and please don’t be mad? I already hate myself too much, and I won’t be able to stand you hating me for what I did too.” Seonghwa’s face is still buried in his hands, and Hongjoong is starting to worry if he can breathe properly in there.

“Please just tell me, Hwa? I’m sure whatever it is, it’s not so bad?” But to be honest, Hongjoong isn’t sure. But what he does know is that he would never judge nor abandon Seonghwa for whatever it is that he did.

Seonghwa finally looks up from his hands, and takes deep breaths, as if bracing himself.

“Well, you see… I was excited to come home because I thought that the guy I’m _kinda seeing_ would break up with his boyfriend for me, but I ended up finding out that they just got engaged.” Seonghwa says in one long breath, anxious to get it all out in the open.

To say that Hongjoong is shocked is an understatement. His best friend and roommate, the human embodiment of a shiny star ornament… is a third party?

The shock must have written itself clearly across Hongjoong’s face, because it sends Seonghwa scrambling for an explanation.

“I didn’t mean for it to last this long, Hongie. I really didn’t.”

“Wait, slow down… who is he? When did this start?”

Seonghwa makes this little noise from the back of his throat that sounds a little concerning, but maybe it’s just his way of preparing himself for what he’s about to say.

“Well, when I was sixteen-“

“YOU BECAME A THIRD PARTY AT SIXTEEN? Seonghwa, I’m calling the actual cops-“

“Please calm down, Hongjoong let me finish!”

Hongjoong’s thoughts are racing again. His assumption about the problem was leaps and bounds from what it really is. In an attempt to shake off his shock, Hongjoong marches wordlessly back into the kitchen. Seonghwa runs a hand through his hair, contemplating how to navigate through this matter on hand.

When Hongjoong returns, he is holding a bucket of beers on a bed of ice and some bags of chips. Seonghwa raises an inquisitive eyebrow.

“I bought these after my last exam as well. Thought I could use the drinks to celebrate my least favorite holiday alone.” Hongjoong says a little dryly. He opens two bottles and hands one to Seonghwa, who takes a swig and grimaces.

“Hah, just as I thought. Still can’t handle your beers, huh?” Hongjoong says with a chuckle.

“I don’t know how you like this stuff so much, it’s so bitter.” Seonghwa says, chasing down the last traces of bitterness with a mouthful of chips.

“Hmm. I like it that way. Calms me down.” Hongjoong says before taking a particularly long drink from his beer.

“You know I won’t judge you, right?” Hongjoong breaks the silence, earning a surprised look from Seonghwa. “I’m going to listen to everything you have to say, because I’m your friend and I should be here for you when you need me the most. And after seeing you so distraught earlier, I’m sure you’re regretting it a lot. So please. Make me understand.” Hongjoong’s words are straight to the point, as Seonghwa has known him to be.

“Okay. Thank you, Hongie. I mean it.” Seonghwa takes a sip of his beer again, now the bitterness getting smoother and more tolerable against his throat.

—

Everything started the summer Seonghwa finished middle school. The house next to theirs had just recently vacated, as their old neighbors migrated to another country. Seonghwa could clearly remember the moving trucks arriving at the lot during a particularly boring dusk. He hadn’t expected the new neighbors to arrive so soon.

Their new neighbors were a small family of four: a nice couple with their two children, a girl who was Seonghwa’s age, and her older brother, who made his way through Seonghwa’s lawn just to introduce himself.

“Hi, we’re your new neighbors. I’m Son Hyunwoo.” The boy extended a hand to Seonghwa, and he would never forget the first time he saw how Hyunwoo’s eyes almost closed when he smiled.

“Welcome to the neighborhood, I’m Seonghwa.”

Hyunwoo held Seonghwa’s hand for much longer than a typical handshake would last, and it made the latter’s heart skip a beat. “Nice to meet you, Seonghwa! That over there is my mom and dad, and my little sister Chaeyoung. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Yeah, see you.” Seonghwa said, attempting to fend off the butterflies trying to cause trouble from his stomach.

—

The following years saw Seonghwa’s not so slow progression into a state of complete infatuation over Hyunwoo. After all, Hyunwoo was indeed an impressive young man. At only two years his senior, Hyunwoo had already made a name for himself in their little town, and everyone and their mothers tended to swoon over his good looks and manners. Talk of the town was that whoever manages to land themselves Son Hyunwoo would be the luckiest fellow ever.

And it really hadn’t helped that even Seonghwa’s parents fell victim to Hyunwoo’s charms. Time and time again, the Park household was abuzz with praises for the young man. Sometimes, their mother would joke about setting him up for Seonghwa’s older sister, Jihyo, only to be met with eye rolls and sarcasm.

Seonghwa always had the hunch that his sister liked women better than men, but he kept his mouth shut. It was his sister’s business anyways, and the fact that she didn’t want to date his crush sat very well with him.

The thing was, Hyunwoo hadn’t been exactly clueless about Seonghwa’s little crush. Every once in a while, they would get ice cream together, or the occasional trip to the arcade, but never anything serious. Just enough to keep the admiration at an arm’s length.

But come to think of it, that must have been the first sign. But even at age 18, Seonghwa had been too young and naive.

—

The second sign that Seonghwa refused to see started when he went home from college for the first time during the Christmas holidays. He was doubly excited that year, because he could flaunt that he wasn’t a kid anymore. Finally, he thought, Hyunwoo would take him seriously.

As always, the Son family had been invited for Christmas dinner at Seonghwa’s parents’ house. It was their yearly tradition, and nothing short of a natural calamity could stop them from doing so. Even after Jihyo migrated to the States, she always made sure to have Christmas dinner with them via video call. It was just so convenient that she was already roommates with Hyunwoo’s younger sister Chaeyoung, of course. They called in promptly every year, always dressed in matching Christmas sweaters with their three cats. _What a nice pair of best friends_ , their parents would always say.

But that year, a newcomer had joined their Christmas dinner. He was introduced as Kihyun, Hyunwoo’s partner from work. Seonghwa felt his mood drop as Kihyun and Hyunwoo laughed and enjoyed the night, thriving under the constant shower of praise from their parents. 

Perfect Kihyun and his perfect job and his perfect baking skills and his perfect freaking face. Jealousy reared its ugly head as Seonghwa watched the scene unfold with his very eyes, not realizing that his emotions were starting to cloud his judgment.

Hyunwoo called him aside before going home though, and asked him if he was okay. Seonghwa pouted at him that night, asking if Kihyun was his boyfriend or something to that extent.

Then there was that smile again - that infuriatingly beautiful smile that crinkled Hyunwoo’s eyes closed and made Seonghwa’s knees feel like jelly. At age 21, Park Seonghwa was still an unwitting victim to Son Hyunwoo’s charms. And if he said that Kihyun wasn’t anything serious, then who was Seonghwa to doubt him?

—

Hongjoong splutters on his beer.

“So he was _right there_ flirting with this Kihyun person right in front of your entire family, and you believed him when he said they weren’t serious?” Seonghwa shoves his face into a throw pillow, unable to handle the regret anymore.

“I know, I know! I was so fucking stupid. Every year when I would come home for Christmas he would come see me and we would go to the movies together and he would sing to me in his car… and it felt amazing, you know? For my childhood crush, the talk of the town, to pay attention to me? It made me feel… I don’t know, beautiful? Wanted? Loved?”

Hongjoong wants to scream. He wants to grab Seonghwa by the collar and start swinging. He wants to yell at his roommate’s pretty face that he is already all those things and more, but he doesn’t need that Hyunwoo asshole to see it.

“He would tell me, every year when I came home, that Kihyun was just for fun. And I foolishly assumed that one day it would be me. And I actually believed it, you know? I actually-“ Seonghwa breaks into little sobs again.

Hongjoong makes his way over to Seonghwa and holds him in his arms. This is so fucking unbelievable. How can someone as brilliant and warm and loveable as Seonghwa be treated as a second choice, a secret? Did this Hyunwoo person ever realize how he’s toying with a literal angel’s feelings? It’s just unfair, how this person who’s lucky enough to be the subject of Seonghwa’s affection, would just walk over him and treat him like that. Hongjoong is furious. 

“And this year… I thought… I thought...” Seonghwa’s sentences are punctuated with sobs again, and Hongjoong can feel his own heart rip and tear. He runs his hand through his crying roommate’s hair, and it works a little bit in helping him finish his story.

—

This year, Seonghwa had been extra excited to come home because his mother mentioned in passing that Kihyun won’t make it for Christmas. It would be only them and the Son family again, like it had been before Kihyun came along. It gave Seonghwa a little pocket of hope, maybe Hyunwoo had stopped playing around and chose him for good.

There was a spring to his step as he prepared Hongjoong's sandwiches that day. And when he saw him a bit later in passing to say goodbye and to wish him happy holidays, Seonghwa gave him an extra hug and a wider than usual smile.

Seonghwa was already halfway through the journey home when his phone rang with a call from his mother. He took the call with a smile on his face, his excitement blooming in his chest as he heard his mother deliver the worst news he’d ever heard.

“Seonghwa, you wouldn’t believe what just happened!” There was a cacophony of cheers from his mother’s end. “Kihyun proposed to Hyunwoo, they’re engaged!”

Seonghwa dropped his phone.

Maybe the movies were right. When you receive devastating news, you can actually feel your world crashing around you.

Seonghwa thought he stood a chance.  
Seonghwa thought that maybe, if he waited a little bit more, he would end up being the first choice someday.  
Seonghwa thought that if he endured being treated like a secret, maybe one day they could come clean and everything would start on a fresh slate and they would be okay.

Seonghwa assumed a lot of things, and maybe that’s where things started to go wrong. His hopes and dreams were already fragile to begin with, so it wasn’t too much of a surprise when they all came crashing down. 

Maybe Hyunwoo was nothing but a delirious fantasy, and he was a fool for believing in a pipe dream that assured him of nothing from the very start.

Maybe Hyunwoo just saw him as a way to feel better about himself. He would never know, because he never asked.

Maybe he so foolishly allowed himself to be deluded that one day he can slap a label on whatever they used to have… 

But Hyunwoo is Kihyun’s problem now.

In a sick, twisted way, it felt cathartic. Another chance to make things right.

Seonghwa hurriedly called his mother back, apologizing that he won’t make it to Christmas dinner this year. She was understandably upset, considering that it had been a very long tradition. But this was something Seonghwa needed to do. 

He took the first trip to the university, sobbing all the way back.

—

Seonghwa eventually cries himself to sleep in Hongjoong’s arms. For how long they stay there on the couch, Hongjoong doesn’t know, nor care. What’s important is to help Seonghwa realize that he’s finally free, that he no longer has to desperately cling on to something so toxic and harmful.

“You know, I’d like to believe that I wasn’t an actual third party.” Seonghwa murmurs against Hongjoong’s chest, signalling to the latter that he’s finally awake.

“What makes you say that?” Hongjoong says, smoothing out Seonghwa’s bangs from his face.

“Hyunwoo and I never did… you know, _anything_. We just went to the movies and sang in his car… sometimes even stargazing, but never anything romantic. I was just too infatuated over him that it turned into romance in my head.”

Hongjoong tuts lightly, realizing that Seonghwa has been needlessly beating himself up with the thought of being a third party. He thinks maybe the first step to Seonghwa’s healing is to accept that he’s not a bad person, he just made foolish decisions.

—

Hongjoong’s gaze drifts towards the reindeer-shaped clock mounted on the wall: it’s almost midnight, he realizes. They’ve spent the entire day in a cycle of talking, crying, snacking, and napping.

Right now, they are still snuggled on the couch, surrounded with fluffy blankets, empty beer bottles, and snack wrappers. So much for a Christmas Eve dinner.

It’s almost midnight. It’s almost Christmas. The first Christmas in quite a while that Hongjoong didn’t spend alone. 

Seonghwa is still snoozing peacefully by his side, and Hongjoong has to fight the overwhelming urge to coo at him.

Seonghwa, who seems to be too good and warm and beautiful for the world… Seonghwa who wasted so much time loving the wrong person… It makes Hongjoong’s heart ache.

As the clock strikes midnight, and the world ushers in another Christmas, Hongjoong plants a gentle kiss on Seonghwa’s forehead.

The little purple knitted cup cozy rests on the coffee table, silently reminding Hongjoong of what he wants. He’ll make sure the little star in his arms stays warm, and he doesn’t hurt his hands again trying to hold on to the wrong things.

He vows to stay by Seonghwa’s side until his heart stops aching, or until the right person comes along. It may be him, or a completely different person, but Hongjoong doesn’t care. The only important thing is that Seonghwa finds his long overdue happy ending.

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll be back soon with Showki’s story! (And who knows,,, seongjoong might get together sooner than we think!)


End file.
